An end to a marriage is not an easy thing. No one gets married to get divorced later on. However, many find themselves facing divorce at some point in their marriage. A divorce means everything changes, a home breaks and the person you pictured living with forever leaves. This can leave one feeling alone and lost, with no stable ground to stand on.
Before calling your family lawyer and heading to court, at least try these steps to see if you can stop the divorce. However, as much as they might work for some couples, they may not help others. Whichever the case, it is still worthwhile to try and salvage your relationship.
Not all marriages with problems have to end in divorce, and there are steps you can take to avoid getting a divorce. Here are six strategies for how to stop a divorce:
1. Acknowledge and Validate your Partner’s Feelings
It is normal to panic and feel confused when your partner says they want a divorce. Try and listen to what they are saying and understand their reasoning. They have probably thought about this for a while. Accepting their feelings on the issue will help in taking steps to stop the divorce.
Understanding why they want to leave the marriage can help you get to the root of the problem and, hopefully, mend the relationship. This will lead to conversations about why your partner wants out. As a result, you can both step back and see where you went wrong. Even if you might feel like you don’t want to do it, take responsibility for your role in the breakdown of the relationship.
2. Stay Calm
Getting this kind of news from your partner can be devastating. It is imperative that you keep calm and do not overreact. The news is usually unexpected and shocking, and your brain can kick into survival mode very fast. Recognizing these feelings will help you calm down and not jump into screaming matches with your partner.
Aim to remain calm as your partner breaks the news and try not to get angry. This will avoid any more conflict between the two of you. Your instincts might lead you to beg and plead with your partner to stay, but doing that will not help. It will most probably make them want to leave even more. The best way for how to stop a divorce is to step back and remain calm, however hard it may be to do this.
3. Work on Yourself
No matter whose fault it is that the marriage has broken down, it is vital to take time and work on yourself. Perhaps your partner pointed out several mistakes you made or flaws you have. Listen to them and try to understand why they would say that. Look into yourself and see your own mistakes, then take steps to work on them.
For example, if they said you were selfish and only thought of your individual needs, you will need to step back and analyze your actions. See a therapist to help you get to the bottom of your issues so you can work at being a better person. Your partner will appreciate the effort you’re making at improving.
4. Talk about it with your partner
This will probably not be an easy thing to do, but it is essential. You already know where they stand, and you have taken steps to work on yourself. However, there’s still work to be done, which involves having a conversation with your spouse.
You will also probably have grievances against them, and the only way to get to the bottom of it is by talking. Do not play the victim. Your goal is to lay out the issues to be discussed sensibly without engaging in a fighting match. Perhaps he left his socks out of the laundry basket one too many times, and that often turned you into a raging monster. Talk about it gently until you can both come to an understanding.
5. Get Professional Help
Sometimes, just talking it out with your partner may not work. You might feel the need for more help in resolving your issues. Couples therapy is one of the most helpful strategies for how to stop a divorce. Find a marriage counsellor and set up a meeting at a convenient time for both of you. Counselling can be a great way to solve issues. A therapist will take you through specific steps to see where you went wrong and how you could improve individually and as a couple.
6. Reconnect with your Partner
You have probably been apart, emotionally and physically. Reconnecting with your partner might fix your relationship. If both of you are willing to work on it, you can start by having little dates like meeting for coffee.
Keep the meetings light and talk about positive things instead of focussing on the relationship to give both of you a chance to relax and enjoy each other’s company without the pressure of a relationship. Meet once a week and, over time, you will probably find yourselves enjoying the dates, and perhaps give your marriage a second chance.